Drew is a psychologist who has worked with children and families for over 30 years including as a Court Child Expert at the Newcastle Registry.
Drew has many years of experience working in high conflict mediation and conflict resolution within families and broader systems with both individuals and family groups to strengthen relationships and to create mutually supportive and respectful environments.
In addition to his clinical practice, specialising in childhood developmental disorders and mental health issues, Drew works as a Single Expert Witness.
Working on the health of your family system can positively impact your interactions with your family members, as well as with others. Issues within family systems are often multigenerational, meaning that the issues that show up in your family are likely patterns that were developed and passed down generations ago.
Family therapy can assist families with a range of issues including improving communication and listening skills; understanding each other’s needs; transitioning through family separation; co-parenting after separation; strengthening parenting skills; working through addiction (with one or more family members actively or previously using); working through historical abuse or family violence issues (dependent on current risk/trauma); and processing an individual and/or familial trauma (for example, the death of a family member).
Family therapy can be incredibly helpful for all members of a family if everyone is willing to participate and examine their own actions and reactions to one another.
Family therapy can become a little more challenging when some members won’t participate, are reluctant to do so, or if there are issues with selfreflection. Self-reflection is the ability to witness and evaluate our own cognitive, emotional, and behavioural processes.
By evaluating our strengths and weaknesses, we identify areas for improvement. Similarly, during challenging life events (for example, when parents separate), self-reflection helps us understand our own contributions to the situation.
It is important to remember that self-reflection isn’t about judgment but rather it is about understanding, learning, and evolving. Family therapy is not a good choice if you are looking to place blame or isolate any one family member.
It is common for a family to label an ‘identified patient’, also known as the one individual who takes on or absorbs the dysfunction of the family. By doing so, they serve as a distraction and scapegoat for other family members to avoid dealing with the unhealthy family system’s core issues.
It takes a very experienced therapist to manage this issue when it arises, as it usually does in high conflict parenting matters where the parties tend to blame one another for the family dysfunction.
Family therapy is not a magic fix and there will always be cases where the issues seem insurmountable. It is also not a quick fix as therapy takes time and each family member will work through the issues at their own pace.
Family therapy is expensive and is not supported through Medicare rebates. There are several common models of Family Therapy each with their particularly strengths and challenges.
If family therapy is being considered but you are uncertain about which model will be best, be reassured that regardless of what type of theory the family therapist uses, research indicates that the highest rates of therapeutic success are linked to the client (family) and therapist relationship and not the modality the therapist uses.
Family therapy is likely to be helpful if the parties are both committed to achieving a better understanding of how their individual behaviours and interactions impact others within the family system, without looking to place blame on any individual in the family.
Family therapy can cause issues, however, if one or more members refuse to participate.
Families seek homeostasis (balance), even if it’s unhealthy. This means that every person within the family has a role to play to maintain the structure of the family. For example, one parent may be more dominant while the other parent takes on a more submissive role, with each modelling these behaviours for the children.
Alliances are built to manage these situations. When some family members want to work towards healthier patterns, but others don’t, the family structure will begin to shift, thus creating unconscious and/or conscious anxiety as a change within the family structure develops and the old ‘balance’ is thrown off.
This particularly occurs during family breakup. Family therapy may create further challenges, including exposing family members to hurtful and painful issues that they may have previously been unaware of.
This could lead to individuals feeling isolated and emotionally drained, particularly if they feel unsupported by the rest of the family. Once family therapy begins, it can be difficult to see family situations as you used to and one’s perceptions may be significantly altered.
This can lead to negative feelings, especially if some family members are not willing to follow through with therapy or are in denial of unhealthy family patterns (for example, if the therapist identifies and labels problematic behaviour patterns such as coercive control).
Family issues can temporarily intensify as unhealthy patterns and behaviours become more apparent in therapy. Issues tend to get worse as they are uncovered and explored before they get better.
Family therapy is generally not appropriate when there are allegations and denials of family violence. In circumstances where there is extreme hostility, threats, or a history of abusive behaviour, family therapy can be unsafe.
Family therapy, may, however, be very helpful, where concerns have been raised and there is genuine desire to understand those concerns with a view to ensure future behaviour is not problematic. Family therapy is not appropriate if either party wants to use it as a weapon to gain advantage in Court.
Therapy focusses on communication and compromise, not winning arguments. Therapy is not about assigning blame or dwelling on past hurts.
Therapy requires willingness from both parties to work toward improvement. If one or both parties constantly undermines the process, progress is highly unlikely, and trust will be damaged.
So, family therapy can be a valuable tool for families, including during the litigation process, but care is needed to make sure the circumstances are appropriate.
If in doubt, talk to a practitioner experienced in both family therapy and the Family Law Court process and be prepared for them to say no!
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